Life the universe and everything in between


382 Days : 22 Hours : 24 Minutes
December 30, 2008, 9:02 am
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So…. it is over a year since I reluctantly joined the blog epidemic. I guess this is a perfect time to say something meaningful and insightful, retrospectively to the 63 posts, and more importantly living and enduring everything that has become my ‘2008′ . I am resistant to do so as it seems rather a cheesey cliche thing to do (being the end of the year and all) but I by default I am about to do exactly that. For this most recent year of my life has been (what I have already thought before to be) an epicly eventful life changing one. I would have never had thought such an enormous amount could change, everything and anything seems to have shifted, and yet none of it truely comes as a surprise or shock when the nature of life is precisely that; Change.  



Long time no blog
October 21, 2008, 10:09 pm
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I have to be honest in that this post was instigated by a strong surge of procrastination. But fully justified as a self promoting task has been put to me and such a task certainly does not come easy, to me anyways. So yes i should put  some substance in here, details, facts or points sooo… yes been spending alot of time with my mum with her health like it is, looking forward to a good kiwi summer. Surfing on the weekend was chilly but thats hasnt put me off ! bring on the waves!



The Beauty of Imperfection

Through the inspiring words of a friend, Rachel…

Today I bought a new skirt. It is bright blue, and in the dark seems to glow. When I arrived home, I put it on and tried it with a dark blue singlet I had bought at the age of 14, 10 years earlier. “Tehe”, I think, as I observe myself in the mirror, “it is so tight you can see the definition of my buttocks through that lycra”.
Walking down the street, I feel like a model, strutting down the catwalk, and that everyone’s eyes are drawn my way. However, out of nowhere, analysis sets in and I start thinking about the contrast between my faded blue singlet and my sensational new skirt. I feel more warmth towards my singlet, but excitement about the skirt… there is no way I could enjoy the skirt without my singlet. My singlet is what I know and what makes me feel secure. Although it is nowhere near as glowing as my skirt, just like a best friend, my singlet represents stability and intimacy.
My singlet tells the story is the story of sleepiness nights, running races and training, beaches and freezing mornings. It’s the story of an object I have not always been fond of, but which has always played a fundamental role in its own history and my memories. Although it is now full of holes, and looks more tie-dye than navy blue, and even though I can only use it for a day before the sweat, accumulated in the fabric over many years begins to make itself known, it is my favorite singlet because I know best how to wash it, dry it, and I can wear it with any other item of clothing, no matter how embarrassed I might feel in doing so. For me, it is perfect in its imperfection.
Of course my skirt also has a story, which goes much further back than the store where I bought it- to the factory, the countryside, and the truckies that transported it from wherever those origins might have been. Nonetheless, in contrast to my singlet, I cannot know its story, I don’t know it.

Eventually my skirt will grow old, and perhaps for this, I will grow to love it more. Although it will no longer have the same shine it has at the moment, it will have its own story, and will have come to form part of my story. It is only a question of giving it the opportunity to shine, no only in a superficial sense, but also in an emotional one.
If we visit a second-hand, “used” or “pre-loved” bookstore, unlike a new clothes store, in which one looks for the least wrinkled, most finely sewn, and shiny item, in such bookstores, the most destroyed, coverless, coffee-stained book is that which best indicates a quality tale, just as old-people indicate certain wisdom. Taking this into account, it is not surprising that artistic photographers take pictures of old-people and collapsing buildings, and not plastic youth and spaceships, as in advertisements. The former tell a story, the latter show.

Imperfection is the key to that which is interesting, exotic and strange. It’s the spare tyre which indicates the tasty meal from the night before, the loss of control, and at times, the suffering of a person before society’s judging eyes. Imperfection might be the scar on a man’s forehead that prevents his hair from growing, and the perfect number-1 cut. It might be the story of when his sister dropped him on the head as a baby, or the battle he had with his brother when Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were all the rage. It could be the tremour that suggests the hidden vice, buried insecurities, sadness, and the “I can’t go on” of an alcoholic, and the orthographical mistakes of a child whose parents couldn’t afford to pay the electricity.  These are the clues of imperfection and the way to its beautiful treasure.



What Makes Us Human?

Yet again -and at no surprise, another of Rachel’s inquiries into life and her incredible ways with words has captured my attention…

Several months ago I wrote a story. It never made it to e-mail press, but it dealt with the beauty of imperfection.

Over the past few weeks I have been having that sensation of brain-overload with an inability to express the emotions which usually can be dealt with through a wee tale or two. Amongst these emotions, there has been a good chunk of embarrassment, disappointment, failure, and nostalgia, whilst at the sametime, euphoria, satisfaction, solidarity, and gratitude.

It was not until the past couple of days, however, that I came to understand the significance of, and common thread to this plethora of emotions, which I now see relate back to the beauty of imperfection. That is, the beauty of our humanity.

It is incredible the frequency with which we try to hide our vulnerability and what makes us human. That is not to say that we should constantly expose ourselves either. Wounds will get infected by criticism if open too long to the world, but if we were never to injure ourselves, and see our own flesh, I believe we would lack a certain self-awareness- that we are human, vulnerable and perfect in our imperfections. If we are to hurt ourselves emotionally and hide the feelings such damage provokes, effectively we are using an unsterilised band-aid which eventually will lead to infection, possibly sepsis and a bittering of our spirits.

By contrast, if we are not afraid to let our injuries air, and let somebody (of course not anybody, but the correct person) see such vulnerability, we can treat the wound and let it heal in its own time.

This leads me to what makes a good author or artist. At high school, whenever they would speak of writing, they would say the best comes from personal experiences, and I would add, exposing oneself to a certain degree, showing the wounds, learning from the scars, and using these experiences to understand one’s own behaviors, those of others, and to learn to relate to people around us. In short, to empathise.

A good drama, take Grey’s Anatomy, for example, or a great film, almost anything from Disney, perhaps Beauty and the Beast, and ask yourself: why are they dramatic? Why do they make us laugh, cry and empathise? I would argue because they reflect the real complexities and fireballs life tosses out. Although we often say these things don’t happen in everyday life, I beg to differ; they show life through the eyes of a good storyteller, through the eyes of those who are not afraid to put their cards on the table and show that despite all bets to contrary, they never had a fullhouse.

A good bridge player will use their dummy hand on the table, that is the weaker, exposed part of themselves, to compliment their own strengths and to hopefully win the grand slam. If the player does not manage to make the contract, the game goes on and the players around them will make the most of the open dummy hand. A misjudgement on our part will never go to waste. As long as we don’t try to conceal it, someone will always benefit.

All this said, in my current state of being, faults might not necessarily be what make us human, but rather remind us we are human. They are what give us the strength to laugh, feel relief and be thankful for the pleasurable experiences we have when we are lucky enough to experience them, to soar above with the sensation that we are super human. Equally, sharing what we perceive as shortfalls, our humanity, can be surprisingly soothing.

The end.



.. . Gaps . . .. of . . knowledge … . . .
August 2, 2008, 3:21 am
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There is alot of knowledge out there in fact its all a bit overwhelming when you considering how much you want to digest! But Ive identified two main gaps in my knowledge i wish to fill. Knowledge of Philosophy & Theology, which I guess in turn exists under and in relation to the larger body of ‘history’ too, aswell as learn more about human anatomy & biology, including a greater understanding of science, so that actually encompasses alot more than two main areas!. So much to learn -so little time….

where to start… ? .. ? . . . ? .



Feast upon life
Delicious on far too many nutritional, theraputic & biologicaly invigorating levels.

Mum's Breakfast: Delicious on far too many nutritional, therapeutic & biologically invigorating levels.

LOL ‘Life’ ; what a beautiful chaos it can be. From the un-explanatory saucer sized bruises to the indescribably painful & liberating situations we find ourself within. Its nice to know where ever you turn you can always find yourself and a laugh for good measure. You get out what you put in i guess and in terms of food I have to point out this particular breakfast I had one fortunate day was a particularly legendary one!



The secret life of others

Life . . . i guess if I were to try squeeze it into another word it could be substituted as ‘Change’.

I had the pleasure of finding some old slides of my mum’s while with her this weekend. In retrospect some of our memories can seem life-times ago from when you were someone else and yet i cant help noticing the similarities in the perceptions mum and I both have around life today. All in all what an awesome find and more importantly what stories behind them! :)



My day today…
April 20, 2008, 6:38 pm
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Well i had intensions not to write copious amounts of insignificant ramble in this blog and remain to posting only ‘worthy’ subjects. Yes it is true; I dont find it necessary for every Tom ,Dick and Harry to know how I got about my every day. However I’ll make an allowance for today :)

Today I went along with Pieters parents for our usual sunday walk . The weather was surprisingly and pleasently warm and spring is now very evident in every sense of the word. What you hear, smell, see and taste. I could count at least 8 different bird calls in the 2 hours we walked, You could smell fresh grass and new flowers. The sun was hot and shining strongly, everythng was a shade of crisp healthy green and unfortunatly for me i hadnt really been witnessing it all untill 3/4 of the way through the walk. At times during these last few days I’ve been struggling to stop my exessive thinking and today had its moments. Its highly frustrating at times, however i like to think ive become alot more conscious of it and the method in obtaining a calm, quiet mind. Anyways it didnt matter for long, after lunch I simply relaxed in the sun and had nothing to think about but the warm rays of light shining down on me. It was so good i fell to sleep with my book open, chapter unread and a rosey face. Dinner outside in the evennig sunlight was a nice event, the Holland i have experienced so far has been rather… chilly and indoors alot of the time. But im sure if im round for the whole summer i could be in for the complete opposite :)



Back in the A’dam
April 16, 2008, 4:46 pm
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Some days are better than others, thats just the way it is we take the highs with the lows and go with the flow. At this very moment I am writing this post from Amsterdams central library in an aray of satisfied feelings. Today I have achieved 3 things. First and formost I sucessfully survived an interview with 180 ’s production manager and director aswell as impressing and establishing a good first impression and promising position! Secondly I managed to locate, meet and befriend a potential dutch flatmate. And last but not least, I managed to leave the flat in such a good mood I walked the opposite way to that which I intended and after 25 minutes and blisters forming from my new shoes I realised I was a little lost!

So all in all a very productive day I must say, and it isn’t over yet Im off to stay with on of my potential work collegues tonight and I am also still yet to make contact back home with my mum after her big interview today aswell.

Tot ziens!



The crumbs of the cookie

As the saying goes “that’s just the way the cookie crumbles” and generally when it does most are small enough to not bother savouring. Its easy to ‘acknowledge’ small crumbs and then let them be, as they are not substantial enough to eat and we find (more than often) that we are happy to not fuss about trying to claim each one. But when theres a significant crumble in the cookie there is generally a different response. You take action, you cease it and you savour it.